The power windows on my wife's car began to show signs of trouble about the same time that the "Check Engine" light began intermittently coming on. We put the car in the capable hands of a mechanic friend of ours who couldn't find anything wrong. These problems coupled with a slow leak in the air conditioner were catalysts in our decision to but a new car.

Our automobile was only three years old when we drove it to the dealership managed by another friend of ours. As we pulled into the dealership, the "Check Engine" light glowed with intensity. Our friend had called that afternoon and told my wife that he had a good, nearly new car that he thought we would be interested in and asked if we could come and take a look at it. After test driving the car, we decided that we liked it and our friend set us up with one of his sales people. Leaving us with the salesman, he left to drive our trade in to determine its value.

We were working out the details of the deal when our friend popped into the office to give us the results of his appraisal. I asked him, "Was the "Check Engine" light on?"

"No. Does it come on?"

"Sometimes," I replied and began to explain how our mutual mechanic friend had checked it out only to find nothing wrong.

"I'll get one of the service guys to look at it," and off he went to the service department.

We continued ironing out the details of our purchase when the manager returned to report that the service department couldn't find any reason why the "Check Engine" light would come on and that since it wasn't on now, he would assume that the problem had remedied itself.

With the contracts signed and the deal done, we shook hands and my wife and I went home in our, or rather, her new car.

"Why is it that you get the new cars and I always get the hand-me-downs?" I asked.

"Because you want to be assured that I am driving the newest and safest car we own."

"Well, I don't care if you want to drive this car. I'm not the one who has to deal with all the boogers that the previous owner wiped on the seats."

"You're right. You only have to deal with the boogers that I've wiped on the seat of our other car."

My wife is an ice cream junkie. Because of this, our freezer is always stocked with some kind of the frozen treat. My personal favorite is vanilla and since I am the one who usually buys the ice cream, vanilla is the flavor I usually get.

I was checking my email at the office one afternoon when I received the following message from my wife:

"We are in dire need of ice cream. All we have left is that Breyer's mess and I am not going to eat it. It is nasty. I tried mixing it with Edy's and it was still nasty. So we all need ice cream as I am eating the last of the two containers that we have right now.

I love you and Vanilla too. Please let her down easy, don't just totally bypass her. Give her a loving touch as you reach for the more adventurous flavors."

"What would you say if I told you I could reduce your long distance bill by 50%?"

I responded to the telemarketer by saying, "Do you wish that you could reduce my long distance bill by 50?"

"I'm pretty sure that I actually can."

"Does it please you to believe that you're sure that you actually can?"

"I guess so."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"Elaborate on what?"

"Does that question interest you?"

"What are you talking about? "

"Does that question interest you?"

"Which question?"

"Please go on."

"About saving 50% on your long distance?"

"What about your own long distance?"

"I'm using the plan I'm talking about."

"Does the plan you are talking about please you?"

"Yes."

"You are sure?"

"Yes."

"How long have you been sure?"

"What?"

"How long have you been sure?"

"Ever since I signed up for the plan."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"On the plan?"

"Please go on."

"Well, if you are now paying $50 a month for long distance, our plan can cut that figure in half."

"Are you saying that my long distance bill will always be $25?"

"Well, no."

"Aren't you being a little negative?"

"I wouldn't say that I was being negative."

"Why are you being negative?"

"I'm not."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"I'd rather not."

"Please go on."

"Do you want to hear about the plan or not?"

"Oh, I want to hear about the plan or not."

"You do want to hear about the plan?"

"Yes."

"What do you currently pay for long distance?"

"Does that question interest you?"

"Yes it does."

"You are sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Please go on."

"Do you spend $50 per month on long distance?"

"Yes."

"I can probably cut that figure in half."

"Would it be exactly half?"

"Well, I don't know if it would be exactly half."

"Why the uncertain tone?"

"Well, I'm not sure if it would be exactly half or not."

"Do you wish that it would be exactly half?"

"Sure I do."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

(click)

"Are you going to throw that away?"

"Yes I am. Do you want it?" asked the supervisor.

"Sure, I'll take it," replied Sam.

Sam was a poor carpenter who never had much. He had been saving substandard and scrap building materials for years from the jobs he worked. His plan was to save enough material to someday build a house for his family.

One Sunday morning as Sam and his family went to church, they arrived to find out that lightening had struck the church building. The congregation stood by the charred remains of their beloved place of worship. Many tears were being shed. "I don't know how we will be able to rebuild the church," remarked the pastor. "There is no money to buy materials."

That night, Sam loaded up his old pickup truck with the substandard and scrap material he had been collecting over the years. He made several tips to the burned out church and neatly stacked all of the material in the churchyard.

The next morning, the pastor, the associate pastor, the elders and deacons met at the church to decide what they should do about finding a new place to worship. They were quite surprised upon their arrival to find a churchyard full of building materials.

"This plywood is all warped," said the associate pastor.

"These two by fours are bent," said a deacon.

"The sheet rock is chipped," said an elder.

"It appears that our prayers have been answered," said the pastor. "Lets rebuild the church."

Everyone looked at the pastor as if he was out of his mind but, nonetheless, a church was built with the material. The congregation was thankful that they had a place to meet even though the building leaned slightly to one side. Sam the carpenter was glad he had helped the church. Although everyone wondered who had donated the substandard supplies, Sam never told anyone that it was he and forever his gift remained anonymous.

The moral of this story is simply this:
If you donate your junk to the church, don't tell anybody.