My brother in-law, and his wife moved into a new house a few years ago. They had found that having three kids made it necessary to upgrade to a larger facility. The new house was certainly that. It's a beautiful house that they have made it into a warm and friendly home.

Soon after they had moved in, more like the day they were moving in, their family congregated at their new abode to marvel at its size and bountiful amenities. I mentioned to my brother in-law, "This is really a nice place you have here."

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

"Well, it ain't no double wide but I guess you have to do the best you can."

It is now obvious to me that something is wrong with the house because since moving in, they have had two more kids. Perhaps it's the water. It's a theory worth investigating.

After the birth of the fifth child I said to my brother in-law, "You know, my wife and I have a kid."

"Yes, I know that."

"Well, I only mention it because, well, if you need any pointers or advice on raising a kid, I'm here for you. All you have to do is ask."

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

The phone rings and my wife takes a casual glance at the Caller ID box to see the identity of the caller. "Out Of Area" was displayed on the unit. This particular message is usually the telltale signature of a telemarketer and my wife picked up the telephone receiver and greeted with the standard, "Hello?"

No response.

"Hello?"

"Hello. I'm calling from BellSouth and I'd like to tell you about a new service we are offering to our Caller ID customers."

"Okay."

"It's called Privacy Detector. It is feature that will block callers that appear as 'Unavailable Number,' 'Unknown' or 'Private Caller' and those calls that are displayed as 'Out Of Area.'"

"Oh, you mean like you."

"No ma'am. This is BellSouth."

"Yes, I know who you are but your number is displayed on our Caller ID as 'Out Of Area.'"

"It is?"

"It sure is. So I guess that means that you are selling a service that will block you from calling your own customers."

"I guess we are."

"That seems kind of silly for you to do that."

"I guess it does. I hadn't even thought of that. Would you be interested in having this service."

"Is it free?"

"No ma'am."

"Well then, no thanks but thanks for calling."

From: George Garth
To: test0771d21@hotbot.com
Subject: Re: How are you doing? 0186l4

Dear test0771d21,

I have received your email entitled "How are you doing? 018614," and I would like to take this opportunity to respond.

First let me say that it may be appropriate in your country to call people by numbers, but in my country this custom is not practiced. Please refer to me as George in any further correspondence. I don't believe that you know me well enough to call me 018614.

I would like to address a few points that you have mentioned in your email:

AS SEEN ON NATIONAL TV:

Making over half million dollars every 4 to 5 months from your home? A one time investment of only $25 U.S. Dollars let's get you on the road to financial success.

BE A MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!!

This is the letter you have been hearing about on the news lately. Due to the popularity of this letter on the Internet, a national weekly news program recently devoted an entire show to the investigation of this program described below, to see if it really can make people money. The show also investigated whether or not the program was legal.

I seem to remember the national weekly news show that investigated your program. The show airs weekly on CBS and is called 60 Minutes. In fact, as you have accurately stated, the show did investigate whether or not your program is legal. I don't recall 60 Minutes reporting that your program was legal but I do recall certain keywords from the segment such as "scam," fraud" and "swindle" to name a few.

This is what one had to say: ''Thanks to this profitable opportunity. I was approached many times before but each time I passed on it. I am so glad I finally joined just to see what one could expect in return for the minimal effort and money required. To my astonishment, I received a total of $610,470.00 in 21 weeks, with money still coming in." Pam Hedland, Fort Lee, New Jersey.

My goodness! That's a lot of money! 122,094 individual pieces of mail coming in at a rate of 830.5 letters per day. I bet Pam's letter carrier loves her. If Pam spends 8 hours a day opening mail, she opens about 104 letters per hour. The poor woman must be exhausted after lifting 50 pounds of mail a day.

FOLLOW THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTION BELOW AND YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS WILL COME TRUE, GUARANTEED! INSTRUCTIONS:

=====Order all 5 reports shown on the list below =====

For each report, send $5 CASH, THE NAME & NUMBER OF THE REPORT YOU ARE ORDERING and YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS to the person whose name appears ON THAT LIST next to the report. MAKE SURE YOUR RETURN ADDRESS IS ON YOUR ENVELOPE TOP LEFT CORNER in case of any mail problems.

YOUR TOTAL COST $5 X 5=$25.00.

/

Thanks for reminding me to include my return address on my envelopes. Man, I can't tell you how many times I have left off the return address on stuff I mail. I'm going to tattoo a reminder on the palm of my hand so I don't forget this most important point.

Within a few days you will receive, vie e-mail, each of the 5 reports from these 5 different individuals. Save them on your computer so they will be accessible for you to send to the 1,000's of people who will order them from you. Also make a floppy of these reports and keep them on your desk in case something happens to your computer.

IMPORTANT - DO NOT alter the names of the people who are listed next to each report, or their sequence on the list, in any way other than what is instructed below in step '' 1 through 6 '' or you will loose out on majority of your profits. Once you understand the way this works, you will also see how it does not work if you change it. Remember, this method has been tested, and if you alter, it will NOT work !!! People have tried to put their friends/relatives names on all five thinking they could get all the money. But it does not work this way. Believe us, we all have tried to be greedy and then nothing happened. So Do Not try to change anything other than what is instructed. Because if you do, it will not work for you.

Remember, honesty reaps the reward!!!

1.... After you have ordered all 5 reports, take this advertisement and REMOVE the name & address of the person in REPORT # 5. This person has made it through the cycle and is no doubt counting their fortune.
2.... Move the name & address in REPORT # 4 down TO REPORT # 5.
3.... Move the name & address in REPORT # 3 down TO REPORT # 4.
4.... Move the name & address in REPORT # 2 down TO REPORT # 3.
5.... Move the name & address in REPORT # 1 down TO REPORT # 2
6.... Insert YOUR name & address in the REPORT # 1 Position. PLEASE MAKE SURE you copy every name & address ACCURATELY!

Somehow I have complete trust in you when you say that you have tried to be greedy but I fail to understand why the "program" won't work if I replace the other names and addresses on the list with others that would better benefit myself. Since I'm going to be raking in the dough anyway, I should easily be able to afford to rent a few post office boxes. All I have to do is put a fictitious name on the list beside each PO Box address and, presto, all the cash is coming to me. What names were on the list of the first guy who did this scheme? Did he have cash sent to people he didn't know or did he, oh I don't know, maybe, have it all sent to himself?

=========== AVAILABLE REPORTS ============
ORDER EACH REPORT BY ITS NUMBER & NAME ONLY. Notes: Always send $5 cash (U.S. CURRENCY) for each Report. Checks NOT accepted. Make sure the cash is concealed by wrapping it in at least 2 sheets of paper. On one of those sheets of paper, Write the NUMBER & the NAME of the Report you are ordering, YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS and your name and postal address.

I find it hard to believe that there is anyone who would not be willing to deposit my check into his or her account. I just don't see the problem here. I mean, sending a check would mean that I could put a stop payment on the check and that whoever cashed it could be traced through their bank... ohhhhh! Now I know why the US Postal service doesn't recommend sending cash through the mail.

REPORT # 1: "The Insider's Guide to Advertising for Free on the Net"
Order Report #1 from:
B.o.n.e.y Cap
Suite#905- 10175- 114th Street,Edmonton, Alberta,T5K 2L4, Canada

You might be interested to know that this information is readily available, for free, on the Internet.

REPORT # 2: "The Insider's Guide to Sending Bulk e-mail on the Net" Order Report # 2 from:
M. Jackson
19 - 2120 Haywood Avenue
W. Van, BC , V7V1X3, Canada

REPORT # 3: "Secret to Multilevel Marketing on the Net"
Order Report # 3 from :
Vaughn Evans
Box 1161 Camrose, AlBerta, canada T4V 1X1

You might be interested to know that this information is readily available, for free, on the Internet.

REPORT # 4: "How to Become a Millionaire Utilizing MLM & the Net"
Order Report # 4 from:
P.U.G.
122 - 2151 Gordon Avenue
West Vancouver, BC , V7V1X3, Canada

You might be interested to know that this information is readily available, for free, on the Internet.

REPORT #5: "How to Safely Send Two Million Emails at Virtually No Cost"
Order Report # 5 from:
K.L.G Venture
7919-118th Street N.Delta, B.C., Canada V4C 6G9

You might be interested to know that this information is readily available, for free, on the Internet.

If you have any questions of the legality of this program, contact the Office of Associate Director for Marketing Practices, Federal Trade Commission, Bureau of Consumer Protection, Washington, D.C.

As a matter of fact, I did have some questions about the legality of your program and I contacted the Federal Trade Commission. According to the FTC, and I quote, "Chain letters that involve money or valuable items and promise big returns are illegal." They went on to say, "Some chain letters try to win your confidence by claiming that they're legal, and even that they're endorsed by the government. Nothing is further from the truth."

Unfortunately, I found out this information too late and had already sent out my first five emails to my very close friends:

Secretary of the Treasury
U.S. Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20220

Attorney General
U.S. Department of Justice
950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20530

Chairman of the Federal Trade Commission
Federal Trade Commission
CRC-240
Washington, D.C. 20580

Postmaster General
United States Postal Service
PO Box 96096
Washington, D.C. 20066

Director of the FBI
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

Wouldn't you know it? Silly me forgot to put my own name on the list. Doggone it! Oh well, I'm sure my friends will be in touch with you soon.

0186l4

At a time when I owned multiple canines, I bought dog food in fifty pound bags. The dogs had free access to my workshop through a pet door and basically used the shop as their home. Since they also ate in the shop, I stored their food in there as well. On occasion I would see a field mouse lurking in or around the food in the workshop but they would soon be eradicated by one of the cats that I also owned.

One afternoon, as I reached in a dog food bag to scoop out a few morsels for the animals, I felt something run up my arm. At first I laughed, thinking that one of the cats had jumped into the bag after a snack. I pulled my arm out of the bag to find a two-foot rat attached to the sleeve of my coat. It was as big as one of my cats. I slung the rat to the other side of the shop and went back to the house to retrieve a method of extermination.

A few minutes later I returned with a high velocity, air powered, pellet pistol. My foe was nonchalantly waddling on my workbench. As I approached, he turned and gazed at me with a look of defiance as he ate his stolen kibble. I fired at point blank range, hitting the beast directly between the eyes. He stood up on his kind legs, took a couple of steps back and continued eating. Two more shots were fired and the monster didn't indicate the mildest annoyance. Having finished his treat, he waddled through an opening above the concrete block wall and disappeared.

I didn't see the rodent until a few days later when his body was found laying in my yard. Evidently my shots had phased him after all. I did what any avid sportsman would do. I strapped my trophy to the bumper of my car and proudly drove around town to show him off.