No Sale

The construction executive thought it strange that the large oil painting was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. His prospective client noticed the executive looking at the painting. "You like picture?"

Not wanting to insult his potential client the man said, "Yes. It is quite nice."

"I sell picture to you," said the business owner.

No, I don't think…"

No. I not take no for answer. We will have our meeting and then I will sell you picture."

The contractor didn't quite know what to say. His client escorted him to a conference room where several executives of the two companies discussed construction of a new building. After about an hour, the meeting adjourned.

The executive left the client in the conference room and began a discussion with a coworker in the hallway. Just as he began to think that the business owner had forgotten about the painting, someone grabbed him by the arm. "Come now. I sell you picture."

"How much could it cost?" the man thought. He didn't want to lose this man's business over a possible embarrassing situation so he turned to the client and asked, "What do you want for such a fine painting?"

As the business owner was about to answer, his wife approached the duo. The business owner said with a broad smile, "My darling wife. I find buyer for picture."

"Who will buy that ugly thing?" she laughed.

"My friend here is very fond of it. He wishes to buy picture."

"No, no, no. We like him very much. We not sell him picture. We give picture to him," she replied with a gracious smile.

The smile faded from the business owner's face. He thought for a moment before holding the painting up to the wall. "I think picture will look good here."

---

AOL

Having once used America Online as an Internet service provider, they evidently felt the need to call my house to inquire as to whether or not we'd like to once again be sucked into their vortex of doom. The gentleman on the phone made me an offer to send a CD with 700 free hours if I would sign up today using my credit card.

"Well, actually," I replied, "I can go to the grocery store and get an AOL CD offering 1000 free hours with no credit card needed for signup."

"You make a good point," he said.

"Even so, I use Road Runner high speed access through my local cable company and I'm not going back to something as slow as AOL."

"I can offer you AOL high speed access!"

"Um, well, aren't AOL and Road Runner both owned by Time-Warner?"

"Yes."

"Then what would be the point?"

"I could send you the CD anyway?"

"I'm not signing up for AOL."

"I can send the CD for free."

"No thanks. We already get two or three a week as it is and we already have enough to build a new addition to our house."

"Hahaha! That's a good one!"

"Don't send the CD."

"Okay. Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir?"

"You haven't done anything for me."

"Have a nice day, sir."

"You too. Bye."

---

FrenchMex

I'm thinking of opening a new restaurant with a French / Mexican cuisine. The waiters will be very well mannered with the exception of being rude to Americans. They will speak only broken Spanish. Every other word on the menu will be French alternated with Spanish. On the walls will be a poorly painted scene of a group of Senioritis dining at the Eiffel Tower. Another painting will sport the Mexican flag hanging from the Arc de Triomphe.

Some of the menu items will be:

Taco Escargot
Frog Leg Enchilada
Salsa Croissant
Jalapenos Crepes
Burrito Soufflé
Salsa Bourguignon

Mixed drinks from the bar include:

Champagne & Sangria; better known as "Surrender the Alamo."
French Vanilla Coffee & Tequila; better known as "Napoleon's Revenge."
Chardonnay & Corona; better known as "Louis XIV's Hat Dance"
Margarita Mix & Bourgogne; better known as, "Poncho Villa's Baroque"

And let's not forget the Refried French-Fries for the kids.

The name? Why, "Francia Insultos Le Mexique Aussi" of course.

---

As The Wind Blows

Living in the southern United States, I don't see a lot of really cold weather. It's usually mild except for a few of the mid-winter months. One particularly cold day, or rather I should say, cold for me, my wife and I stood outside as our son played with the family dog. We began talking about the weather when I made the comment, Man, is it ever cold out here. The wind is terrible."

She replied, "It's the wind that makes it seem so cold. I'm glad we don't live in Chicago."

"Me too."

"It's windy there all the time."

"It's that wind blowing off of Lake Michigan all the time."

"Someone should name it the windy city."

"I'll make that suggestion the next time I'm there."