Police are still looking for a late model Dodge Dakota after taking two men into custody due to reports of missing funds from ATM's spanning across several U.S. states. The men, driving a 1988 Buick Regal, were stopped at an Ohio automatic teller machine as they attempted to withdraw money using a debit card. The men have been charged in several similar incidents throughout the mid-west.

Originally, eyewitnesses had told police throughout several jurisdictions that the men were driving a metallic blue Dodge Dakota. Although the men have confessed to withdrawing money from ATM's and have stated that they never owned and have never driven a Dodge Dakota, the police are still looking for the truck. Law enforcement spokesperson Lou Rengalski told reporters, "The 'Dakota' theory is still being pursued because it just sounds cooler. I mean, who wants to arrest someone who is driving an '88 Buick? For crying out loud, my dad drives a Buick. We just thought it would be in the best interest of the public to look for something a little more sporty."

Officer Rengalski added, "It is unusual that the eye witnesses were so far off on the type of vehicle the perpetrators were driving. We have used these same witnesses many times in the past and they are usually pretty doggoned close to reality. I'm beginning to wonder if these two fellows even withdrew any money."

Traffic was stopped along Interstate 77 as police and agents from several federal agencies searched for the truck. Phyllis Garth of Cleveland, Ohio told reporters that she enjoyed being stopped while driving her Dakota. "The officers were very friendly despite the fact that I was carrying illegal firearms in the bed of my truck. They complimented me on my choice of vehicle and weapons. I probably could have sold them every gun I had but I didn't feel that would be the right thing to do since I had already promised them to a Michigan militia." If asked if she would like to be stopped again for driving a Dodge Dakota, Ms. Garth replied, "Sure. It was a wonderful experience. I'd recommend it to anyone."

A court date has not yet been set for the two men. "The older gentleman," said officer Rengalski, " was taking out money and spending it on items such as motel rooms, gasoline and food. The other man, a juvenile, appears to have been using his card to withdraw funds from a savings account. We aren't sure, but we suspect he may have been involved in paying tolls and we did find a large stash of candy wrappers in the back seat."

Where the two men obtained the debit cards is unclear. Local and federal agents have found the name of a financial institution printed on both of the cards held by the men but say that it is doubtful that the name will lead to anything useful in the investigation.

Quizno's is a sandwich shop that has been growing in popularity across the United States. They have a heavy ad campaign going on, using humorous commercials to entice people to try their specialty; oven toasted subs. Their commercials are rather funny and their subs do look tasty, so I decided to give them a try.

Arriving at a nearby Quizno's, I placed my order and was waiting in line for the cashier when I noticed a sign that said, "Ask us about our party subs." When it was my turn to make a transaction with the cashier, I asked, "What about your party subs?"

The cashier replied, "What about them?"

"I don't know. You tell me?"

"What do you want to know about them?"

"I don't know. I'm just doing what the sign says."

From the vantagepoint of the cashier, it would be impossible to see the sign and this would explain why the cashier said, "What sign?"

"There's a sign right here that says, ' Ask us about our party subs.' I was just doing what the sign said."

"Oh, I see. Well, they're party subs. They're big enough to feed ten people."

"What if I have eleven people at a party?"

"I guess you could serve smaller portions."

"You don't make one for eleven people?"

"No, I'm told the party sub feeds ten. Would you like to order one?"

"Do I look like ten people?"

"No sir. You don't," grinned the cashier.

"Then I don't think I'll order one today. Maybe some other time."

During the course of my conversation with the cashier, I noticed another sign that said, "Try our delicious cookies." Next to the sign was a rack loaded with individually wrapped cookies of assorted flavors. As we were talking, I selected one of the cookies, opened the wrapper and began eating it just to see what kind of reaction I would get. "These free cookies are delicious," I told the cashier.

He raised an eyebrow as he replied with, "Those aren't free."

"The sign doesn't say I have to pay for it."

"I can't read the sign from here. Does it say they are free?"

"No but it says 'Try one of our delicious cookies.' And that's what I'm doing."

"I think it means buy one and try it."

"But it doesn't say that. I'm just doing what the sign says."

As I paid for my sandwich and the cookie, the cashier showed obvious amusement when I said, "I'll pay for the cookie, but in a court of law, you would have probably lost your case."

In honor of Veterans Day, I was watching a documentary about World War II. I found it very interesting that the war was fought in theaters. I kid you not. The narrator specifically spoke of the war being fought in both the European and Pacific theaters. I had always thought that wars were fought on the battlefield but this whole theater thing explains why the documentary kept showing lines of marching soldiers stretching for miles. Obviously, these soldiers were in line to get tickets.

I guess the battle of the Moulin Rouge must have been unbelievable. I can imagine the 101st Airborne dancing their way to victory. General Patton and his troops would sing their rendition of "If you knew Hitler like I know Hitler" as they crushed enemy lines in aisles one through seven proving that the Axis was no match for the powers of Hollywood.

At any rate, Veterans Day is a time to commemorate those who have performed in the theater of war in defense of the United States and democracy. Freedom does not come without great cost and the men and women who have guarded our freedom deserve a standing ovation. On this day, the stage is theirs.

When a machine broke down, I called the manufacturer for technical support. I told the service technician that I suspected that the timing of the machine was incorrect and was the source of my problem. I asked for the correct procedure to set the timing.

The technician replied, "The correct term is phase not timing. Please refer to the problem as the machine being out of phase."

It was obvious that he knew what I was talking about but, evidently, he was a technical jargon snob. When the timing is off it means that a part of the machine hasn't moved to a position where it is supposed to be when it is supposed to be there. When a machine is out of phase it means that a part of the machine is not at the proper degree or angle when it is supposed to be there. They both mean the same thing. I asked the technician what the difference was between "being out of time" and "being out of phase." He said there was a difference but couldn't tell me what it was.

He agreed when I told him that I knew there was a difference between the two but it was just one of those things you knew but couldn't put into words. I explained how it could be dangerous if the two occurred at the same time. Again he agreed. "I once saw it happen," I told him." It caused the space time continuum to get out of phase. The guy who was working on the machine was transported back in time and I had to wait five years for him to get back and fix the machine."

There was a moment of silence. "So do you want to know how to fix the machine or not?"

"That would be great but hurry. I'm running out of time."