Q. Does Robeo roll the toilet paper from the top or the bottom?
A. Robeo's wife prefers that it roll from the top. Robeo, being the man of the house, always asserts himself and rolls the toilet paper from the top.
Q.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A. Although woodchucks are not known as avid woodchuckers, studies have shown that it would take approximately 700 pounds of wood to fill a woodchucks burrow.
Q.
Does Robeo put his pants on one leg at a time?
A. One would think that the answer to this question would be yes but it isn't. Using a complex system of block and tackle, servo motors and pulleys along with a liberal application of super glue, Robeo's pants are manufactured fresh each morning and installed with rivets. Remarkably, both pant legs are made and applied simultaneously.
Q.
How much cholesterol is too much?
A. We have found that starting your day with bacon, eggs and a fatback biscuit with a side order of lard will clean out all that nasty oat bran out of your system.
Q.
Does Robeo really exist?
A. Yes. Robeo is a fully functional member in good standing of the species homo sapiens. He can be identified, for purposes of classification, as an animal with a backbone and segmented spinal cord that is equipped with five-digited extremities, a collarbone and has eyes at the front of the headwith stereoscopic vision along with a proportionately large brain. His adaptation to a completely erect posture with an approximate two-footed striding walk as well as opposable thumbs, gives him great advantage overother primates.
Q.
Who is Robeo?
A. Robeo is really a Swedish woman named Olga Kristoffersen.
Q.
What would you do if I sang out of tune?
A. Tell you to try a little help from your friends.
Q.
Why does Robeo speak of haggis so often?
A. That would be because of his rich Scottish heritage and the fact that only a fool would not be enthralled with the deliciousness of a succulent entrails product consisting of the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep or a calf mixed with onions, kidney fat, oatmeal, and special seasonings boiled in the animals stomach.
Q.
Did Al Gore really invent the Internet?
A. No. The Internet was invented by Ron Popeil.
Q.
Where does Robeo live?
A. Due to matters of national security, we can't divulge his location but if we could we would tell you that he lives in a grass hut high atop a secluded mountain in Coral Gables, Florida.
Q.
Do fluorocarbons really have an effect on global warming?
A. No. Global warming was invented by Al Gore.
Q.
Does Robeo really provide this service for free?
A. No. We are secretly taking fractions of cents from your bank account. Over time, these unnoticed amounts add up to a significantly large sum of money. We, in turn, use these funds to purchase Snickers bars for needy children. Okay, so we buy Snickers bars for ourselves but you must admit that the "needy children" bit was a nice touch.
Q.
Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?
A. Brian Keith.
Q.
Does Robeo have luxurious long hair and rippling muscles?
A. Yes. His back hair is extremely long and his left fore finger ripples magnificently when flexed.
Q.
I'm thinking of donating money to a charity. What organization is most deserving of my money?
A. As we all know, free range poinsettias were almost hunted to extinction by the early settlers. The free range poinsettia is still endangered today and the issue of its plight is first and foremost on the hearts of all the worlds population. When you send money to the Poinsettia Foundation, you will receive a picture of the poinsettia you are sponsoring as well as monthly updates on its progress.
Q.
When the movie of Robeo's life is made, who is the apparent top contender for the title role?
A. Mickey Rooney.
Q.
What's a Shondell?
A. A long wooden spoon with an ornamental carved motorized handle and a gas powered propulsion unit.
Q.
In ' The Wizard of Oz', as the wicked witch's guards march around the castle they sing & chant something that has always sounded like "Oreos! Yo! Oh!" Are they singing about Robeo?
A. Contrary to popular belief, Robeo is not a confectionery product noted as having chocolate on the outside and white cream filling on the inside nor does he admit to having any affiliation with the Nabisco Corporation.
Q.
What effect does movement have on the space/time continuum?
A. We know that time is always moving forward. When people walk, their movement is usually in a forward motion therefore time advances forward as well. If everyone walked backward in unison then time, obviously, would reverse.
Q.
How does Robeo stay so trim and fit?
A. The secret is his diet. A daily intake of chitterlings and hog jowls helps to keep his metabolism working overtime.
Q.
I have too many crickets in my yard and they keep me awake at night. How can I get rid of them?
A. Saturate your yard and surrounding ten square miles with gasoline then set it on fire. Next, dispose the first four feet of topsoil then treat the area with suffuric acid and DDT. Shoot any remaining crickets with an assault rifle. Last, move to Antarctica. This should solve your problem.
Q.
If Robeo was a tree, what kind of tree would he be?
A. Because of his innate fear of being chucked by woodchucks, Robeo would never be a tree. However, if he were to be a tree, I think that you would never see a poem as lovely as Robeo.
Q.
What can be done to prevent forest fires?
A. I don't really know as this is not an area of my expertise. I do know that Smokey the Bear said that, "Only you can prevent forest fires." Therefore, the prevention of forest fires is solely your responsibility and nobody else's. Remember, Smokey the Bear said it, not Robeo.
Q.
Are Robeo's stories true?
A. Every single word of every story is true except for the ones that aren't and that's the truth.
Q.
How many licks does it take to get to the chocolate center of a Tootsie Pop?
A. Three
Q.
How many postage stamps would it take to send Robeo by mail?
A. Zero. Robeo is always sent postage due.
Q.
What is the best way to remove unwanted facial hair?
A. Stand on your head for extended periods of time. In about seven years, your facial hair will begin to migrate to your feet.
Q.
What does Robeo do in his spare time?
A. Robeo likes to collect Louis Gossett Junior memorabilia.
Q.
How many muscles does it take to speak a single word?
A. Two. The mouth muscle and the tongue muscle.
Q.
Where does Robeo get his ideas for his stories?
A. From reruns of "Three's Company."
Q.
Why does light disappear in a blachhole?
A. I posed the question to Robeo who explained it best when he said, "Because it does." However, scientists believe it is due to light eating enzymes.
Q.
How is Robeo's name pronounced?
A. Just like this.
Q.
What is Victoria's Secret?
A. Victoria is really a man.
Q.
Is Robeo independently wealthy?
A. No. Robeo is independently poor.
